IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO DEFEND YOUR BIRTH DECISIONS

I often speak to mums-to-be who are attempting to navigate their own birth path around the obstacles of hospital protocols and what I keep seeing is this; women constantly feeling that they have to explain themselves again and again.

Why do they want this? Why are they refusing that? Why do they think what they think, or wish for what they wish for?

And this is problematic.

What is happening to us that makes us believe that we must PROVE that we are right? That we must somehow be MORE knowledgeable, MORE researched and MORE anatomically aware than our care providers.

When did we feel that we lost the option to just say, ‘No thanks’?

By forcing women into the position of having to defend the choices that they make we are enabling a culture of ‘I know more than you do, I am more knowledgeable and trained than you are’. Thus, your wants or needs can be discarded.

Are your birth team knowledgeable? Yes, of course they are. We do not need to doubt that. Are their hands sometimes tied by the protocols of their hospital trust? Yes, of course they are. A hospital is a structure that needs to be organised and working as a team.

However, does this ever negate your wants and needs? No. You can choose to do whatever you wish to do without having to create a powerpoint presentation, without arriving with the latest research or without beating them over the head with your Dr Sara Wickham book.

Your choices are yours - made for whatever reason. Nobody has the right to force you to do anything that you do not wish to do. You can just say no. You don’t have to prove to anyone why you are choosing what you feel to be the best path for you. You don’t.

Now clearly I say this based in the UK. I know that things get complicated when insurance led healthcare comes into play and that some providers in the US have the option to refuse to keep someone on their books (which is of course absolutely loathsome behaviour).

But it is so important for you to fully understand that it is your care provider's responsibility to prove to you why they think that you should take a particular course of action. It is not your responsibility to prove to them why you choose not to.

It is NOT your job to defend your birth decisions.